In a jaw-dropping story emerging from a diner in Springfield, IL, 26-year-old Alex Barbaro bit into her burger and found a single strand of hair, but she appears to be too hungry to care about whose hair it was.
“I saw her take a bite and make a face,” said Alex’s friend and prime witness Liana Dramond. “Then, she pulled this extremely long hair out of her mouth, like, it must’ve been waist-length. I expected her to tell our waitress or at least start checking the rest of the burger for hair, but she didn’t hesitate for a second and just kept eating. What the fuck? Is she okay?”
According to sources close to Alex, she ate an early breakfast, which meant she was coming up on five hours without food. Compared to her typical inter-meal time of “three hours, give or take two hours,” this wait time was egregious. She was beginning to feel faint, angry, and a little horny, which is a side-effect she’d never experienced, highlighting how dire the situation was.
“Did I notice the hair in my food? Yes,” she told reporters calmly. “I simply did not give a shit.”
This is a surprise coming from Alex, who others describe as a “clean freak who takes health matters extremely seriously.”
“One time, I said I was going to make an omelet right after I showered, but she stepped in and made it for me because she warned against ‘bathroom particles getting too close to food,’” said Alex’s roommate, Georgia Freid. “It was nice, but it was kind of crazy. You expect me to believe she would find a hair in her burger and not immediately inquire about its origins?”
As unbelievable as it sounds, that is exactly what happened, according to witnesses at other tables in the diner.
“The hair was so long I saw it from three tables away,” said local fisherman Stan Watkins. “But let me tell you, she took it like a champ. By the time I had processed what happened, she had finished the rest of the burger.”
“Listen, it’s just a hair,” Alex continued. “It’s all coming from the same place!”
Reporters informed her this was untrue and didn’t make much sense given the context that the hair came from one specific head.
As of press time, Alex had finally eaten enough to come down from her heightened state.
“Wait,” she said, sobering up. “Whose hair was that?”
