In a paradoxical story coming out of a dimly lit bedroom in Boston, MA, 22-year-old Leah Kreiger is way too focused on enjoying sex with her crush to actually enjoy sex with her crush.
“I’ve been so into this girl for years,” Leah whispered to reporters poised outside her door. “And tonight, it all came together! We were vibing at the bar, I invited her back here, and before I knew it, we were fucking! But the whole time I couldn’t stop thinking about how I should be present in my body. It made it so hard to be present in my body.”
Sources confirm Leah put on the perfect playlist, dimmed the lights, then spent so much time thinking, “Enjoy this, enjoy this, enjoy this!” that she genuinely forgot to enjoy it.
She then proceeded to spend 5% of the duration of sex enjoying sex and 95% reminding herself that she should be enjoying sex, which precluded enjoyment altogether.
“It’s kind of like when you’re so focused on remembering someone’s name that you forget to remember their name,” Leah told reporters, as if this was a universal experience. “So, the whole time you’re like, ‘Remember this!’ and then all you remember is that you were supposed to remember it. Right? Like, the name was ‘Brian,’ girl! Get your head out of your ass!”
Unrelatedly, sources confirm Leah’s crush, Jeanne Hyun, spent much of the night with her head in Leah’s ass. Leah, however, spent much of the night with her eyes squeezed shut, desperately trying to have a good time by force.
Intimacy coordinator Rhea Sangupta says this form of “getting so stuck in your own head that you can’t enjoy head” is extremely common.
“Any time we have an intimate scene with two actors and it feels a little too fake,” she told reporters, “I encourage them to imagine they’re so focused on having a good time that they can’t have a good time. It works like a charm – makes every scene look so realistic!”
At press time, Leah and Jeanne were debriefing about the hookup, and Jeanne also admitted she spent a large portion of it too focused on having a good time to have a good time. They solved this problem by watching a movie so terrible that no one felt pressured to enjoy it, which therefore meant they genuinely enjoyed it!
