In a shocking event late last night, local woman Carly Marshall got so pissed off that she actually cleaned her apartment.
“I’m a chronic procrastinator when it comes to housework, so I never thought this could happen to me,” explained Marshall. “However, it turns out that some things really can make you so furious that cleaning seems like a form of release instead of a boring nightmare!”
According to reports, Marshall hasn’t cleaned her own space in nearly six months. The last recorded sighting of her cleaning was when her less qualified best friend was promoted over her; an enraging incident that caused Marshall to clean everything from her dirty dishes to the filthy cracks between her shower tiles.
“Wow all this time I’ve been nicely asking her to do her dishes, but she wouldn’t listen,” says Marshall’s longtime roommate, Megan Bower about the incident. “Now I’ve learned an important lesson: make Carly mad and you’ll get the clean apartment you’ve always wanted.”
Much to Bower’s delight, overhearing that comment made Carly scrub the shit out of their toilet.
When reached for comment, Marshall simply screamed into the phone until she was able to compose herself. She then explained what was making her so mad in between aggressive, exaggerated vacuum pushes:
“I just like can’t at work because I talked to my boss about the whole promotion thing and SHOCKER he was quite a bitch about it, so I was trying just to vent to my boyfriend and he decides that, yes, now would be a perrrrrrfect time to act all whatever, so now here I am, pussy-deep in swiffer covers with no handles!”
Despite Marshall’s flurry of activity, none of her personal issues were resolved in any way.
“Honestly, I don’t even really remember what I was mad about at this point,” she sighs.
At press time, Marshall was seen still searching the house for that one cleaner she’s never used but knows she saw her roommate with that one time.
