In a story of naive optimism coming out of Portland, ME, 22-year-old Isla Herrara is pretty sure that all of the goals she set for herself in January can be successfully squeezed into the next two months.
For sure! They definitely weren’t year-long goals for a reason!
“So 2024 ended up kicking my ass in some unexpected ways, and it’s delayed a lot of the goals I set for myself,” Isla told reporters from her bedroom, where she was staring at the sticky note resolutions she set back in January. “But it’s not too late to start now, right? Right?”
According to the resolutions pasted on her wall, her main goals for the year were to finally travel to Europe, quit her job, get into coding, start her own company, and also take up running.
“Well, I can definitely do the last one,” she continued. Unfortunately, she then looked at the fine print, where she had written the goal, “Take up running such that I complete a marathon by the time the year is over.”
According to relevant sources, two months is nowhere near enough time to train for a marathon, and in fact, doing so would be medically inadvisable.
“I just don’t know where the time went!” she continued. “I guess a lot of it went to hanging out. But the good news is there’s definitely still time to quit my job.”
After considering this for a moment, Isla realized there probably was not enough time to quit her job, because she might as well stick it out until Christmas bonuses at this point.
“Learning to code can’t be that hard, though, can it?” she asked, looking at reporters as if any of them knew shit about coding. “Like, toddlers learn to code super fast.”
Reporters explained that this is because toddler brains are extremely malleable and open to new information and languages – whereas her brain is old and stuck – but even then, two months is a pretty quick turnaround.
“Listen, if I learn to code in the next week and start applying to jobs the week after that, I can have a paid gig two weeks from now,” she continued optimistically. Reporters then explained that just because she says something can happen, doesn’t mean it magically becomes possible.
As of press time, Isla had discovered one fallen sticky note on which she wrote that her main goal for 2024 was to “enjoy the present for once.” She rejoiced, positive she could figure out how to do that in the next two months. Unfortunately, she then realized that this line of thinking technically qualifies as “worrying about the future.”
