Highlighting her investigative prowess and tools of deduction, 25-year-old Eliana Stern has successfully pieced together the entire plot of the show House of the Dragon from fan edits of two hot characters that people are sharing on TikTok.
“I haven’t seen the show and have pretty much zero interest in starting it,” she told reporters gathered at the scene, where she was sitting on the toilet watching her 13th consecutive fan edit of the series. “And yet here I am with an encyclopedic knowledge of the setting, plot, and stakes.”
According to Eliana – who emphasized several times that she does not really care – fans are really shipping two characters – Rhaenyra Targaryen and Alicent Hightower.
“Cannot emphasize this enough: These names mean nothing to me,” she continued, pointing to a diagram she’s been working on that hangs on her bedroom wall. “I have no idea why we care about them or why everyone is just accepting this type of name as normal, but I do know that they were childhood best friends who are currently fighting, and people want them to be in love.”
Without watching a single episode – because she simply does not have a Max account – Eliana has pieced together which characters are on which sides, whose motives are evil, and, frankly, who she wants to come out on top.
“I think I’m rooting for Queen Rhaenyra, just because she had the original claim to the throne, and I’m very pro-‘woman queen,’ you know?” she said, clearly more invested than she was letting on. “Also: Rhaenyra’s so hot. Really, really hot. Totally get why the fans started making these edits honestly.”
Eliana won’t rule out switching sides, though, because Alicent is “also super hot.”
As far as why this journey started, Eliana has no clue.
“I must have watched a single fan edit for too long, because the algorithm started feeding me nonstop edits of this show that I have absolutely not seen,” she continued. “But now I’m really invested! King Aegon II sucks. And the Driftmark episode of the first season? Crazy stuff!”
Reporters knew better than to ask what she was talking about, because they didn’t really want to get into it.
As of press time, Eliana decided to just take the plunge and start watching the show. Unfortunately, she found it very boring, likely because she had already seen thousands of spoilers.
