In a story out of Nyack, NY, 29-year-old Lyla Wright is an absolute motorist fiend who loves to drive as long as she doesn’t have to park, back up, or switch lanes in a scary way.
“I’ve always just loved driving,” says Lyla, who hasn’t parallel parked without at least three cars’ worth of space since her driving test 13 years ago. “The wind in your hair, the music, pumping the gas: It’s all so much fun, just as long as nobody gets near me or forces me to do a three-point turn.”
“There’s just something about the open road,” Lyla adds. “I guess it’s the fact that when you’re just going straight you don’t have to use your blinkers or mirrors or anything.”
Lyla confirmed with reporters that she’s head-over-heels for every part of driving except backing into spaces, backing out of spaces, turning left at intersections, switching lanes, fixing her tire pressure, three-point turns, all turns, yield signs, merging, and roads with other cars on them.
“Maybe I could drive professionally, like for Lyft,” Lyla says. “Except I don’t drive in cities and I wouldn’t be down to make all those stops. Also, I like to drive to places I already know because I get stressed when I have to look at the nav.”
Due to its myriad caveats, some have expressed skepticism at Lyla’s self-proclaimed love of driving.
“She just likes pressing the gas and holding the steering wheel while listening to music,” says Lyla’s girlfriend, Nelly Zhen. “I’m always telling her she should just smoke weed and play easy video games — it would be basically the same effect, and it’s better for the environment.”
But Lyla remains committed to her love of operating motor vehicles.
“Nothing makes me feel as cool and in control as driving,” she says. “Except when I have to do anything besides go straight, at which point my heart rate skyrockets and I basically feel like I’m going to throw up. It’s awesome!”
Ride on, sister!