In an optimistic story emerging from Brooklyn, NY, 29-year-old Phaedra Willis is listening to her favorite artist’s new album and can’t wait to like these songs in a few short weeks.
“I’ve been waiting for this album to come out for forever now,” she told reporters while bopping her head to the new music. “Right now, every song that comes on sounds foreign and new to my brain, and therefore I find it frightening. But hey, I’m sure that won’t last long!”
Phaedra confirmed this is how it always goes when she listens to new albums. Upon first listen, she can’t imagine liking these songs nearly as much as her current favorites, but over time and with a lot of repetition, she slowly comes to love them just as much if not more than the oldies.
“It used to freak me out when I’d listen to my favorite artists and hate their new music,” she continued. “But slowly I realized it wasn’t the music’s fault, but rather the ‘new’ aspect of it all. I hate new things! I like the things I know, and I don’t know this track at all.”
Sources confirm that if Phaedra were to rank an album after she listened to it for the first time, almost all of her favorites would have dismal scores.
“I’m always disappointed at first, only to find myself slowly coming around on successive listens,” she continued. “Suddenly, it’s a week later and I find myself humming a song I thought I didn’t like very much. Then, I hear that song a few more times, and it gains the familiarity of an old friend. From then on out, honey, I love that song! That’s my favorite song!”
Phaedra maintains that she just doesn’t like to rock the boat, music-wise, and the introduction of new beats or melodies is very jarring.
“I just think artists should consider remixing their songs over and over and over again instead of putting out completely new music,” she continued, dubbing this the “Charli XCX method.” “I love that ‘Girl, so confusing’ and ‘Girl, so confusing featuring Lorde’ have so much in common and yet are slightly different. That’s the shit I’m talking about, baby! More of that!”
As of press time, Phaedra was strong-arming her way through the second consecutive listen of the album to speed up the process, but audibly wincing after each track.
“There’s no way this one makes it into the rotation,” she said, immediately adding it to her playlist just in case.
