In a story of extremely wise decision-making emerging from San Diego, CA, 22-year-old Dina Lee has made the conscious and intentional decision to forgo sleep in favor of watching 300 short videos that mean absolutely nothing to her.
Yes, girl! Weigh the options and make the choice that is worst for you!
“Of course I know our brains need a certain amount of sleep at night to function normally during the waking hours,” Dina told reporters gathered at the scene, where she was tucked into bed and holding her phone way closer to her face than experts recommend. “I know this choice will not serve me in the future. But what can I say? I need to watch 300 videos that are about 15 seconds long, and I need to do it right now.”
When asked if she recalls any of the short videos – TikToks, as they are colloquially called – that she watched this week, Dina admitted, “no.”
“The important part is not ‘to remember the videos,’” she continued. “It’s to watch them with a glaze over your eyes until you can no longer feel your face. That’s what life’s all about.”
Reporters added that when a 6-year-old Dina was asked what life was all about, she said, “playing outside and running around with my friends.”
“Yeah, that 6-year-old didn’t know shit,” Dina continued. “I could either sleep right now and wake up refreshed, or I could see what’s going on in the dog community in rural Pennsylvania, and let me tell you, it is drama.”
By this point, Dina had already started absentmindedly scrolling, and reporters feared they could lose her at any moment to an ASMR eye exam.
“It’s well-documented that sleep is among the most important factors in a person’s overall happiness,” said world-renowned sleep researcher Dr. Lisa Tan. “Dina doesn’t seem to care, though, because she’s been watching a little kid sing, ‘We bring the BOOM,’ on loop for the past three minutes.”
When asked whether she regretted not getting more sleep last night, Dina said, “Absolutely.” When asked if she planned to get more sleep tonight, Dina said, “No, why?”
As of press time, Dina decided it had probably been enough scrolling for the night and set her phone down. The hours of blue-light exposure made it impossible for her to fall asleep, but she luckily drifted off just in time to be awoken by her alarm 15 minutes later.
