In a developing story out of Grand Rapids, MI, renowned climate scientist Dr. Karen Wilkinson is thrilled to reach the level of success where men have started coming out of the woodwork to assure her she does not deserve it.
Dr. Wilkinson’s pioneering research on the ice albedo feedback loop earned her a nod from the Nobel Prize committee and several hundred men commenting “not hard!” on the announcement post. But she’s not letting these reactions keep her down.
“Moments like this—when men in the comments section of my published work call me ‘an untalented poser MILF’—are what I live for. Is that an insult? A compliment? Who knows! Clearly I’m making waves.”
When we explained Dr. Wilkinson’s research to one of the men who called her an “ignorant nobody,” he said, “Wait, huh?” Another said, “Uh, I thought she did the thing with the uh….the…” and ran away. Both of these men still maintain that Dr. Wilkinson “has nothing on real scientists like Bill Nye.”
“Dr. Wilkinson’s has been toiling in obscurity for years,” Wilkinson’s research assistant told the press. “It’s so nice to see her recognized for her important contributions to climate research and told that she only got here because of her ‘rockin’ knockers.’”
Dr. Wilkinson mentioned that it’s difficult to measure professional progress in her industry, but the second a man told her he could’ve done her groundbreaking research in third grade, she knew she was on her way up.
Dr. Wilkinson’s male colleagues publicly came to her defense, emphasizing her many credentials and accolades. “This guy’s really got a point!” said one user. “He sure is smart, unlike that other bitch…”
When asked if she hoped people would stop telling her she doesn’t deserve her success, Wilkinson didn’t hesitate.
“Absolutely not,” she said. “How am I supposed to know I’m making a name for myself if men on the Internet aren’t bashing that name constantly?”
Wilkinson told the press she’ll know she’s really made it when her parents ask if she’s ever going to settle down and have kids.