So you woke up in a stranger’s bed with no pants on again. You are pretty sure you spent a good chunk of the night with this guy, but cannot recall a single moment of your time together. How do you re-introduce yourself when he finds you in his bed? Here are a few pro tips on how to do it without letting him know you have absolutely no memory of who he is or where you are.
Start fucking again.
This tactic immediately eliminates the nightmare of awkward small talk that was about to ensue. Maybe doing it again will jog something in your memory about screaming his name last night. Ed? Fred? Definitely something with an –ed. Nothing? Shit. Just keep fucking until you spot his license on his dresser drawer.
Help him out by speaking in the third person.
Remember: He (Zed? Ched?) probably doesn’t remember your name, either! Help him out by saying something like “Ah! Stupid Alison can’t find her pants,” or “Alison wants waffles!” or “Alison’s boyfriend, Todd, cannot find out about this.”
Start drinking again.
Play the game, “Drink” where you drink again as soon as possible to forget all over again. It’s only 10am, but it’ll let him know you’re comfortable enough to crack open a beer with him just about any time. TED! It’s gotta be Ted, I’m 90 percent sure it’s Ted. Or maybe…Ned? Jesus Christ.
Play “Two Truths and a Lie”
For this fun game, simply repeat the phrase, “We had anal” three times, and if he says one of them is the lie, then you are in the clear! You at least have one definitive fact to take away from this experience, and Todd will still be your first.
If all else fails, just make sure to smile and keep laughing at nothing to fill the painful awkward silences.