“It all happened so fast,” said 30-year-old Lilian Michaels, recalling the night that she incinerated every single pair of her jeans. “I was scrolling through TikTok,” Lilian remembered, “when suddenly I saw a teenager say four words I never thought I’d have to hear.”
She was of course referring to a recent TikTok declaration that shocked millennials around the world: That skinny jeans are, ostensibly, out.
Lilian, who has exclusively worn this particular cut of denim for at least 15 years, remembers nothing from that night except playing the TikTok and then just sort of blacking out.
“The disapproval of one teenager was enough to make me question everything,” she said, recalling the events that led to her pouring gasoline all over a pile of pants. “I really, truly, didn’t take a moment to consider anyone else’s opinion on the matter.”
Lilian’s roommate, 31-year-old Alex McGee, was there when Lilian pulled all of her jeans out of a closet. “I tried to stop her,” said Alex, shaking her head. “She just showed me the TikTok and screamed ‘NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND?’”
Alex didn’t understand but was at least able to convince Lilian to burn the denim in their yard, instead of starting a fire inside of an apartment building.
“I had already changed my hair part to the middle,” sighed Lilian, who still has not bought new pants since the incident. “I even stopped using the laughing emoji, when another TikTok said that was wrong.”
When questioned further on whether she regretted destroying half of her clothes because of one video, Lilian wasn’t sure how to answer. “Skinny jeans did make my ass look good,” she smiled, “and we went to some fun emo concerts together. I just don’t know what to think anymore.”
Now Lilian has turned to her little sister, a Gen Z-er, in hopes of gaining the approval of at least one person who has a TikTok account. “I begged her to send me a pair of pants,” Lilian told us. “Any pants.” Lilian is hoping that her sister will send loose boot cut denim, in weeks to come. “She said that she might help me,” said Lilian. “But then she called me a ‘Harry Potter adult’, and I’m still not sure what to do with that.”
17-year-old Chloe Michaels did not offer a comment but did sort of laugh and then type something into her phone.
