Woman at Most Creative When Imagining Reasons to Call Into Work

A thought-provoking story out of Milwaukee, WI finds that a local woman is at her most creatively charged when lying in bed, thinking up different reasons why she would have to call into work.


“It’s when my neurons are firing most quickly,” says 24-year-old Aly Schroeder. “I guess there’s just something about lying in bed, marinating in anxiety about the upcoming day that really gets my imaginative juices flowing.”



“In some ways,” she continues, “I suppose you could say my part-time barista gig is my muse.”


Aly tells reporters that the excuses she comes up with during these moments of pure creative momentum are nothing short of brilliant. 


“I don’t usually call in after these impromptu morning brainstorming sessions,” says Aly. “But last week, I came up with the idea of saying I was the sole witness of an early morning murder in my neighborhood, and unfortunately had to give my testimony to investigators immediately. It was too good not to use.”


Unfortunately for Aly, this potent creative energy apparently doesn’t extend beyond dreaming up excuses to get out of work. This is especially tough, as Aly has aspirations of being a renowned, accomplished painter.


“I’ll sometimes call out of work so I can spend more time painting,” she tells reporters. “Then when it comes time to actually paint, I’ll just sit in front of my canvas, no thoughts, brain empty.”


“It’s almost like I expend all of my creative energy thinking up ways to get off work without getting in trouble that I’m left without even a shred of creativity for my actual creative endeavors.”


Sources close to Aly say that her creativity didn’t used to be so singularly focused as it is now.


“She was an incredibly creative child,” says Aly’s mother, Sasha. “Always making art, or playing pretend. But I’ve noticed that ever since starting this new job that she hates, it seems all of her energy, creative or otherwise, is reserved for one thing: dreaming about not working.”


At press time, Aly insisted that she was simply in a rut, and would be able to make more art once she finally got around to quitting her terrible job. She just needs time to think up the best way to go about quitting first.