How Will the Government Shutdown Affect Me?

A partial shutdown of the government began Tuesday, and you’re probably wondering how it will affect the things that are part of your daily life. We researched how the shutdown will affect what’s closest to us:


Fear not – electricity, towels, and mats will still be available. Your precious hot yoga studios will still be open, but it’s up to you to get a spot!


Museums may be closed, but you can still get your live culture here! The FDA has halted inspections, but your potentially compromised froyo is still available!

Fresh Direct?

Worry not, foodivores! Despite Congress’ failure to pass a budget, you’ll see no delay in your supply of chèvre and chard. You can still cook one healthy meal and let the rest of it rot! The Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program (SNAP) will be temporarily dismantled, however.


The Real Housewives of New Jersey Finale?

Your cable providers are privately owned which means RHONJ will be there and better than ever! With the FCC closed you’ll see the real women behind the bleeps. Nothing’s gonna come between you and Joe Giudice’s profanity-laced threats.

My Marriage? Is it Still Legitimate?

Already fucked that hot repair man you found on Angie’s list? Sorry, lady, you’re still married.

The Places Your Nanny Takes Your Kids?

The zoo’s closed and your kids are acting like wild animals in your house. Send them to the park and get yourself some Pinkberry.

Your Husband’s Paycheck???

Is your husband or sugar daddy a Senator? You go, girl! The money is still flowing in! Is your husband a civilian employee of the department of defense? Sorry, girlfriend.