Today’s work-at-home mom doesn’t have the social approval or the wherewithal to get high like she did before having children. The time and money spent driving to her dealer’s house combined with the surging cost of quality street drugs, prevents some WAHMs from properly medicating their time with their children. Which drugs can concerned moms count on to enhance their parenting faculties without making them look like bad parents?
“More like reefer gladness,” says one mother from Pensacola, Florida, whose drug of choice is marijuana. With three kids under the age of eight, Sandy knows how important it is to be baked for most of her waking hours. If she finds herself too high, she levels off with one-and-a-half shots of Southern Comfort. “That way, you’re vaguely aware of your children’s presence and survival, without being consumed by the preservation of it.”
Sue Ellen, a divorcée on Long Island, spends long hours with her two energetic sons thanks to the benefits of cocaine.
“A bump here, a bump there, bumps all day,” she beams, patting down her floral-print apron. “You want top-shelf, uncut, neat. A good dealer with pharma-grade shit, like Peruvian Flake? It’s better than a full-time nanny.”
But the newest craze for WAHMs across America is MDMA, or what’s known as “Molly.”
“It’s the drug with a million names because of its cultural ubiquity,” explains Dr. M, a family practitioner. One of his patients, Lucy, says she pops a molly in the morning with her coffee and waffles.
“Raising a family doesn’t have to be difficult,” she says. “It should be fun, like going to a rave. I call it ‘raving my kids.’” Lucy says that by lunchtime when the X is peaking in her system, she has gotten her kids off to school, cleaned the house twice, picked out all the outfits her children will wear for the next year, finished her early Christmas shopping, and made dinner. And two more dinners.
She adds: “My kids love the colorful presentation of their food.”
While society hasn’t quite caught up to these modern women and embraced their lifestyle choices, that hasn’t stopped them from raising their families on their terms. And never has being responsible for the lives of others been more fun.