Every four years, the world tunes in to watch stellar athletes who have dedicated their lives to their sports compete in a glorious tournament of champions. The Olympics never fail to elicit emotion from even the most stony-hearted viewers: there’s something about watching someone perform at the highest possible level that’ll make you tear up. Here’s why the Olympics are offensive to me as someone who has never dedicated themselves to anything and, frankly, does not plan to start.
Unlike these “Shmolypic shmathletes” or whatever they’re called, I live my life primarily along the principle of immediate gratification: There is no time like the present to do whatever the hell I want. Candy? Eating that shit. Work? Avoiding that shit. Insurance? Not paying for that shit. Surprisingly, this mindset has not led to much long-term growth. I can’t believe Olympians don’t even consider how their achievements are making me – an American, actually – feel.
Spending weeks glued to my TV watching athletes achieve their life-long goals makes me feel bad because I don’t really have life-long goals and definitely have no interest in working towards them. Has NBC ever considered that this sort of thing might make me revisit the concept of “unfulfilled potential”? Sure, athletes should have their day in the sun after all that hard work, but has anyone ever considered that, actually, no they shouldn’t?
No one is taking note of the very important fact that I could have been an Olympian if I wasn’t so busy kicking rocks and watching videos of people cutting soap for the first 20 years of my life. 100% guarantee I probably maybe could have done it! Plus, to top it all off, this year the Olympics are in Paris, a place I probably could save up and travel to – but I will not. Yet another thing the Olympics is rubbing in my face: financial planning!
So, the next time you’re celebrating these athletes for dedicating themselves wholeheartedly to their various crafts, maybe take a second to think about how that might make me – someone who prefers to chill and vibe – feel. Perhaps we should be uplifting those of us who can curate a really fun hang or make a really tasty drink instead of these “professionals” who “have given their blood, sweat, and tears in preparation for this moment.”
