Why I’m Leaving an Unaffordable City for an Unaffordable Suburb

While I love the hustle and bustle of New York City, the unaffordability of this city along with the Coronavirus pandemic has me packing my bags and going to a place I’ve only flown over before and where, I’m learning, things are also still very unaffordable?


Why didn’t anybody tell me this?


Back in Brooklyn, I spent thousands just to rent a little shoebox, where in this suburb of Chicago I’m spending a fraction of that cost. I don’t even know what I am going to do with all this extra money! No, really, I don’t know because where is the extra cash I was expecting? My rent is so little here, but also so is my paycheck because apparently it’s a thing that you get paid less in smaller cities?


But still, guess who has a backyard now? That’s right, bitches, it’s me! Nothing could be more relaxing than sipping a White Claw on my new patio furniture that I had to max out a new Visa on. Am I kind of surprised to learn that credit card interest accumulates at an unsustainable pace here, too? Kind of! I guess I thought there was some sort of conversion rate of my New York money that would make living here feel one big spring break in Costa Rica, but the stuff at the Target and Starbucks here strangely costs the same?


Either way, when things do open back up, it’s going to be a lot cheaper to have a night out in Illinois compared to expensive weekends in New York. After all, the sales tax is so low here it makes beers basically free! Sure, that means less revenue for accessible public transportation, so I did have to take out a $15,000 car loan to get around and I’m now strapped with monthly payments, insurance premiums, annual registration fees, gas expenses, quarterly oil changes, and rotating bumper sticker costs. But, at least there will be plenty of parking when I do head to the AMC in four to eleven months!


While I wouldn’t use the word “regret” to describe the feeling of leaving a city that had everything I loved and think about in all my free time, I suppose you could say I am a bit “surprised” to learn that I’m feeling the strain on my wallet here, too. I guess I thought I could escape the pesky wealth inequality of a large, metropolitan area, but turns out it’s a national issue?



Either way, I wouldn’t trade a thing for my new life in Great Barrington knowing that otherwise I would be miserable like all my friends I left back in New York City. Because, you guys are miserable, right? If you could please just confirm that you are miserable, that would be all I need for the new housewarming gift many of you have offered to send. That, or a lawn mower, because turns out I’m responsible for maintaining my yard, too.