Move over, hot girls! This year is all about depressed seclusion. So why not take a page from one of history’s greatest recluses! Here’s how to have the PERFECT Emily Dickinson Summer. Surf’s in, if you know what we mean!
Write Poetry, Obviously
Your poetry doesn’t have to be good so much as it has to be sad. Take inspiration from the world around you, just as Emily did with “I heard a Fly buzz – when I died.” Who needs a cutout bathing suit when you can contemplate your own mortality? Not you, this summer.
I bet you probably thought the bitch wore black. Nope, she loved wearing white dresses, which in a way is much more haunting. Pace the floor in a ghostly gown and everyone will know this year has nothing to do with getting dicked down and everything to with being a Dickinson downer. Get it!
Develop a Strange Fondness for Your Sister-in-Law
Those who published Dickinson’s work, erased many dedications to her sister-in-law Susan, but thanks to modern technology, no one will be able to censor you when you write a long ode to your brother’s new wife in your Instagram caption for a wilted rose. This is your summer to do as you wish!
Quietly Whisper, “If Fame Belonged to Me, I Could not Escape Her.”
Sure, some girls like to go out and have fun and be “hot.” But not you. Not this year. T’would be too much for someone of your disposition. The days are too long and too hot.
There you go! Everything you need to have a truly sequestered and dismal summer! Remember: Success is counted sweetest by those who ne’er succeed.