In a story leaving psychiatrists everywhere scratching their heads, 27-year-old Mia Thomas has tried absolutely everything to get rid of her chronic anxiety, except for paying her 17 unpaid medical bills.
“I don’t know how many more times I can practice deep breathing and meditation with absolutely no results,” Mia said. “I’ve even tried therapy, with no luck! Maybe I should try ketamine?”
While Mia has recently started attending therapy sessions regularly, she also admitted that she hasn’t paid a single co-pay bill in all of her six months of treatment.
“I know that it’s irrational,” Mia added. “But I just feel like there’s this dark cloud that’s constantly hanging over me. I guess it’s just my silly little mind playing tricks on me.”
Reporters noted that this “dark cloud” was probably the hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars Mia currently owes to various doctors’ offices around the city.
“And what makes it even worse,” Mia continued, while flipping through her mail and throwing another medical bill directly into the trash, “Is that I actually feel like my anxiety gets worse the more counseling and psychiatry appointments I go to. Like, shouldn’t it be the other way around? I mean, I know that it’s all in my head, but it’s discouraging, to say the least.”
Those close to Mia have also noticed the strange correlation between her increasing anxiety and her visits to the doctor.
“Mia was really worried about a mole she had on her shoulder about a month ago, so she went to go get it checked out,” her sister Nicole Thomas told reporters. “The doctor told her that it was nothing to worry about, thank God. But she somehow seemed even more anxious after the visit? I’m not sure why.”
“Yeah, I’m always on edge lately,” Mia said while frantically declining three consecutive calls from collection agencies. “Guess I was just born with a faulty nervous system! Happens to the best of us, am I right?”
None of the reporters at the scene agreed with her, but they did plead with her to sign into her online patient portal so she could finally pay her bills.
“Sorry, I’m just too anxious to deal with that right now,” Mia said, declining even more calls. “I mean, c’mon, a two-step verification? I simply don’t have the mental clarity for that right now.”
