It’s just another boring night browsing the web when, hark! Was that the sound of a funny spring that just boinged it’s way out of your speakers? OMG! Your summer crush, Steven, finally logged onto AOL Instant Messenger after seven years of being idle! You’ve been waiting for this opportunity, so here’s how to finally act on it. This is your moment!!
Update Your Away Message
Right now, your away message is lyrics from Jay-Z and Alicia Keys’ zeitgeist-defining song “Empire State of Mind”. Was that an ironic choice in 2009? There’s no telling, but you should change it as soon as you physically can! Steven definitely didn’t log on as an accident, and you’re sure he would prefer an Away Message that’s more modern and obscure. Switch it to a lesser-known Game of Thrones quote even though Steven’s away message is still “Avatar in 3D was cool. Bored.”
Update Your “Personal Profile”
Before social networking really found its role in society, one of the only forms of digital expression was the AIM Personal Profile. You made a bold choice with your punk black-and-hot-pink color scheme with a skull-and-cross-bones buddy icon. Oops! You should probably delete all of it, because Steven’s is blank too and he definitely knows what he’s doing.
Strike Swiftly but Gently
Once you update the aesthetic of your profile, you’re much better off. Maybe he won’t realize that your screen name is GuRLp0weR97! Reach out to Steven while he’s still inexplicably logged on. After all, this is the reason you kept AIM logged-in on your computer for the entire Obama presidency just in case! Send something short and sweet like “lol sup”, “heyyyyyy”, or simply “YT?”. One of these is sure to get him typing away—which you can carefully monitor on the bottom of the chat screen. You’re doing it!!!
If you follow these steps, you’ll totally be able to hit up your crush on AIM. He definitely didn’t log on by accident and get super confused when you started interacting immediately, so push that thought out of your mind! Good luck and CUL8R!
