What Does She Have That You Don’t? Here’s a List

So your man just left you for another lady. They tell you that it’s his loss, and that this new girl is nothing compared to you. But you secretly suspect that maybe she is better than you. Since he rudely refused to give you a solid answer the last time you screamed, “What does she have that I don’t?” to his voicemail, we’ve compiled a helpful list of everything she has that you don’t:


Voluminous red hair

Fendi bag

Backyard with a trampoline

Post-bacc certificate from Yale

Fluency in three languages (English, Italian, Mandarin)

Health insurance

Beautifully manicured fingernails

A trust fund AND an exceptional work ethic

Brow powder

Knowledge of how to apply brow powder

Furniture polish (used weekly)

Beyoncé’s email address



No cavities

7,000+ followers on Instagram

Relatively mild caffeine addiction

A dishwasher

Aesthetically pleasing résumé

A beanbag chair that, for whatever reason, ties the room together

Balanced self-esteem

Genuine affinity for kale

Hot-looking license photo

Typical human toes

Well-stocked wine cellar

Season pass to Six Flags

Beautiful singing voice

Unquestionable family history

Functional car

Breasts that are full but still perky

A fully charged phone

Relatively non-traumatic middle school experience

Friends who call her a teasing nickname in a loving way

Respectable vinyl collection

Friendship based on mutual respect with Joan Didion

Political views

Solid grasp on her mortality


So there you have it. She’s got many things that you don’t have, including your ex. But are these even things you want? Of course they are, but think about the things you have that she doesn’t have! Wait – maybe don’t think about that.