And Now, I Shall Write a Children’s Book

O say! O sing! O ring the tower bells! Let the morning birds know, as they fluff themselves for flight, the time is nigh that I, too, shall write a children’s book!


This, then, is the destiny of all Women Of Substance: at one time in their brief walk upon this earth, we shall have an Idea regarding a friendly animal with one remarkable trait, and a desire to tell a story with words to the small ones who will listen.


Madonna hath written a children’s book. Kelly Clarkson, too. Tori Spelling, Bethenny Frankel, Julianne Moore, Kathie Lee Gifford: O you scribes of fanciful tales illustrated by friends! You pioneers who hath come before me to serve our ambassadors of youth with a tale, I bow down to your wisdom and grace. And now, suffused with your inspiration, I pick up the pen to commit words to the page.


My protagonist a weasel, my antagonist a snake. I shall spin a yarn of a rivalry so fierce that it wakes a farm-town volcano that had hitherto gone unnoticed. Boom goes the mountain! Hiss goes the steam! Run, weasel! Slide, snake! Go away quickly, or the lava shall catch you!


I don’t have much more than that, but I think it’s really cute so far!



My story shall entertain young minds while teaching an important lesson about self-esteem. For the mean things the weasel and snake say about each other only reflect how they feel about themselves. An important lesson of kindness lies in the bursting volcano. O fie, the revelation!


I shall wake at dawn. I shall sit for 13 minutes upon my meditation cushion, and perform five down dogs. Then I shall brew a coffee and not put sugar in it, for Sugar Is No Good-er—which is also the name of my second book after Snake And Weasel Have a Fight Near a Volcano.


I shall self-publish my book on, for I am a modern woman. And I shall ask my acquaintances, with due deference and tact, to write flattering reviews and bestow five stars. For this is the way of the world. And the children must have their book.


Now is the time, rise up, rise up! For hark, I am writing a children’s book. And the people shall know this across the land.


Also if anyone has any leads for publicists, please let me know!! Thx!!!