Every time I go on Facebook, it’s the same thing: obsessive parents posting every godforsaken detail of their pregnancy and/or the open investigation of their missing child. You parents think you’re sooo special because a kid’s growing inside you, or you can’t find the one you had a few years ago.
I’m SO over it!!
As a 30-year-old CFO for a growing international firm, I don’t have time to have my own children, let alone think about yours. What makes you think all of your friends, coworkers, and acquaintances are interested in seeing a muddled picture of your 16-week-old fetus, or some sappy flier about your lost toddler? Spoiler alert: We’re not! So rein in your public displays of maternal bliss and/or despair!
Who needs to brag about “my son was wearing a red shirt”? Like, I’m also wearing a red shirt, but you don’t see me bragging about it.
Here’s a tip most people are too polite to tell you: No one is as obsessed with your kid as you are. In fact, I guarantee a lot of these “Aww, she’s getting so big!” and “Praying for Travis” comments are just lip service. Sure, some people have no problem telling people what they want to hear, but not me! Sorry not sorry: I tell it like it is.
I don’t tell you to pray for my dog, do I?
If you’re really so desperate for attention, try a new hairstyle or maybe lose some weight. Don’t drag your kids into your quest for validation. I’m sure you’re “so excited to be a mommy” and “missing Alisha terribly”, but is that really what this is about?.
It’s not that I hate children. I have several nieces and nephews that I’ve been tolerating for years! In fact, they call me the “cool aunt” because every time I have to babysit, I let those little fuckers do whatever they want while I handle my emails. Would a “cool aunt” be some sort of child-hating monster? I don’t think so. I just reserve the right to be in an adult space like Facebook without your creepy fetus’ alien eyes looking at me. I’m on my lunch break—I don’t want to be barraged by a million “here’s what the forensics team thinks he’d look like aged up”. We all love a good FaceSwap, but this is ridiculous!
Look, I can kind of see where you’re coming from. Becoming a parent or having your kid snatched up at the grocery store is a big deal, but let’s be honest here—it’s only a big deal to YOU, not everyone on your goddamn friends list.
So next time you think about uploading your latest sonogram or “Missing” flier, take a moment and ask yourself—is this REALLY something you need to interrupt people’s day with? Doesn’t begging for adoration or search parties seem a little tacky? Don’t you maybe want to keep some things just for yourself?
At the very least, understand that this constant barrage of sonograms and “help me find my baby” posts are super annoying to a lot of us, especially those of us who are trying to get likes on our company’s Facebook page.