While 28-year-old Viv Bauchman still harbors latent dreams of one day owning property, it has become increasingly obvious that watching an ambient room on YouTube is the closest she’s ever going to get to home ownership.
“It’s not quite the same as owning a home,” Viv admitted to reporters. “But it’s close! Sure, I’m sitting on a couch I found on the sidewalk in a tiny apartment I split with two roommates next to a window that’s only view is of the decrepit building next door; but I’m sitting directly in front of my TV that’s playing a video of a crackling fireplace in a grandiose sitting room on a rainy day, so who’s to say which is actually my reality?”
Sources were in collective agreement that the shitty apartment and view of a brick wall were, in fact, Viv’s reality.
“Obviously, watching a YouTube video of a gorgeous mansion isn’t the same as living inside one,” said Viv’s roommate, Malia. “But, seeing as Viv can barely afford to pay rent on this place, she’s definitely never going to be able to own a home of her own. So, if she wants to pretend like the sweeping estate on our TV is her reality, who am I to tell her otherwise? I just wish she’d stop playing Christmas-themed ones in August.”
Viv told reporters that the Christmas-themed ambient rooms were the best because they “help her envision what her future home will look like during the holidays.”
“Yeah, standard ambient rooms are nice, but I don’t really see myself in them,” Viv explained. “But when they include a Christmas tree and hundreds of perfectly wrapped presents? I’m like, okay yeah, that’s totally going to be me and my family’s home in five to 10 years, max.”
Viv’s roommates were surprised by her statements, saying they felt a little sad for her.
“She doesn’t even have a girlfriend, let alone an entire family,” said Viv’s other roommate, Alex. “I don’t know why she thinks she’s going to have any of that, let alone the inordinately rich version of that, within the next five years. Especially considering she never leaves the house because she’s always consumed with watching those long-ass YouTube videos.”
As of press time, Viv had started genuinely referring to herself as old money, which her roommates thought was rich, seeing as she still had dozens of unfulfilled Venmo requests from the two of them.
“She could at least bother to send her half of the electric bill, considering she’s has a seven-hour video of the Cullen’s house from Twilight playing on a constant loop on the TV for the past three weeks.”
