Um, God Has Another Son and He’s Totally Hot

Everyone has heard of Jesus, the Son of God and star of the New Testament. But, um, did you know that God actually has another son and he’s totally hot??


It’s true! Jesus has a brother, Jeff, who works as an Equinox trainer in Murray Hill and is literally so ripped it’s crazy. If feasting your eyes on hottie Jeff is giving you déjà vu, it’s because he looks so much like his more famous brother – but hotter!


For all his similarities to his older brother though, Jeff has definitely forged his own path. He also has a different accent than Jesus because he actually wasn’t raised in Nazareth – he went to boarding school in Connecticut. Like, you know how Jemima Kirke has an English accent but Lola doesn’t? It’s like that.


And if you think the whole “son of God” thing has gone to Jeff’s head, you couldn’t be more wrong. Jeff is so down to earth. Even though he does have a few God powers of his own. He can’t turn water into wine, but he can bench like 200 pounds. It’s so cool.


He also definitely can’t walk on water, but he did recently post a #wettshirt selfie that had us, well, sitting on “water”!


If you need any more proof that this dude is a literal gift from God, look no further than his heavenly abs. Ummmm, can you say, “forgive me brother for I have sinned?!” Yes, Jeff, WERK!



If you ever want to get up-close-and-personal with Jeff, all you have to do is work out at his gym. He’s an amazing spotter. Talk about divine intervention!


Praise Jeff! Amen.