Man Grappling with Past Mistakes Also Sorta Okay With How It All Shook Out

In light of recent allegations against predatory men in power, Tarana Burke’s #MeToo campaign, and the Time’s Up Legal Defense Fund to end systematic inequality, many men have had to confront their past indiscretions with women. But not 28-year-old Ricky Jordans! Jordans is quietly grappling with past mistakes but at the end of the day, he’s actually pretty okay with how it all shook out.


“These last few months have really made me think about how I haven’t always listened to what women want,” says Jordans. “But also, if everything hadn’t happened the way it did, I wouldn’t be where I am today: a mid-level manager at a financial tech startup, so I don’t know. I think we can let bygones be bygones.”


Ricky has spent some time considering the moment in college when he pressured his girlfriend to give him a blowjob. He’s also thought back once or twice to last week, when he commented on how good Jessica from accounting looked wearing heavier makeup. Despite these reflections, Ricky has made it clear that if he had the option to turn back time, he wouldn’t.


“Some of the things I’ve done are really shameful,” says Ricky. “Like one time I called a woman a bitch because she respectfully declined to go on a date with me. But also, I live in a sweet bachelor pad and I’ll probably be promoted next year. It all sorta shakes out, you know?”


One of Jordans’ past girlfriends, Irene Depley, was deeply offended by Ricky’s inability to truly reflect and consider his past missteps.


“The hope I have is that in seeing how nuanced sexual assault can be, men are able to identify themselves as part of the problem and fight for women’s equality,” says Depley. “Instead, Ricky sent me a text that said, ‘Hey, sry if I was ever shitty.’ When I told him I actually am still annoyed about some things, he said, ‘the past is in the past.’”


Sources confirm that no, the past is not the past, since women are dealing with the consequences of men’s actions on a daily basis.



At the conclusion of this interview, Ricky apologized for having to rush out.


“Sorry, I told my brother I’d meet him to play the new Zelda and it’s gonna take forever to get there because there’s this dumb march happening.”