First, it was Italy, but now it’s happening here: Your weird neighbor with the cargo shorts has gotten out onto his balcony with a microphone.
It’s unclear whether he plans to sing or speak into the mic, but according to sources, he was fiddling with what looked like an amp or a karaoke machine before going inside to retrieve an extension cord.
“Oh, he would,” says your elderly neighbor, Charise Elmsford, shaking her head. “Of course he would. Fucking idiot.”
Your unnamed neighbor across the way was seen squinting in apparent disgust as she shooed her children inside with her bags of groceries. Neighbors indoors have no idea what’s about to hit them.
“I really don’t know what the worst outcome is here,” said your upstairs neighbor. “A standup routine, spoken word poetry, maybe a Theremin. Based on the noise, I’m pretty sure this guy owns a parrot.”
Questioned on his plans, your neighbor remained coy, saying he didn’t want to spoil the surprise, but it would be “something special” and was “sure to boost everyone’s spirits.”
Neighbors were seen closing windows and blinds throughout the neighborhood.