In disturbing news out of this birthday party you’re currently attending, Connor Hamish, the man with whom you’re stuck making small talk, unfortunately knows the town where you grew up.
“I thought by vaguely saying ‘I’m from the Bay Area’ and taking a long sip of my drink, the conversation would naturally die out,” you say, distraught. “But instead he asked where in the Bay Area and even worse, he actually knew where that was!”
Connor, on the other hand, is delighted.
“I went to college near where she grew up,” Connor tells reporters, “I really miss it! I wonder if she knows that one pizza place that all the locals love.”
Witnesses report that despite looking visibly not into the conversation and trying to leave multiple times, Connor did not pick up the cues and kept asking more questions about exactly where your house was located.
“I didn’t even want to talk to him in the first place, he was just in the way of the chips and I said ‘Sorry’ to reach past him. But he took that as an opportunity to ask me about my favorite snacks. From there, the conversation kept going, despite me giving monosyllabic answers.”
You report that Connor knowing the town you grew up in led to at least 30 more minutes of banal conversation.
“Once he confirmed that I did know all the local spots, he went on to ask if I knew his old co-workers who didn’t go to the same high school as me, but one in the same district. I didn’t know his old co-workers, but he went on describing them and what sports they played in school in case that would ring any bells. It did not.”
Connor is currently thrilled at this “blast from the past” from his self-proclaimed “favorite person at the party.”
“I feel like we have so much in common,” he says, “we just went on and on about the current weather, sports, favorite Marvel movies. I could talk to her all night!”
At press time, Connor was in fact, still talking to you all night.
