Finding the right haircut is one of the hardest decisions humans can make. After all, few other life choices result in quite so much ambiguous commentary from other people! Luckily, we’ve put together this moderately helpful guide so you can choose your next haircut based on what you’ve arbitrarily decided is your face shape. Maybe? We’re actually not sure.
Possibly Heart-Shaped – Side-Swept Bangs
As far as we can tell, having a heart-shaped face means you have a widow’s peak. It is unclear at the time of publication if round cheeks and a pointy lil chin are a requirement for this face shape. All we know about heart-shaped faces is that they must must must be accompanied by a breezy, side-swept bang. And also the only person on earth with this type of face is Reese Witherspoon.
Maybe Oval – Wavy Lob
Add interest to your stupid egg-shaped face with loose waves. Aren’t most faces technically ovals? Sure, but that’s not the point. The point is that if you don’t add interest to your face with loose waves, you’re giving up on life. You’re giving up on love. Curling wands are often $9.99 at CVS. Don’t fuck this up.
Somehow A Triangle – Blunt Bob
Break out your protractor, sweetie, because this one is baffling. If you have a hunch that your head in some way contains three (3) points, you’re gonna need to get the bluntest bop available. Stat. Fun fact: Reese Witherspoon is somehow also the only person on earth with this head shape.
Square (??) – Long Curls
Print out a picture of your big dumb head and grab yourself a pen. Is it physically possible for you to draw a square anywhere on that picture? If so, you may or may not have a square head. Nice! Now you know that it is absolutely imperative for you to get loose, feminine curls. Or any of the thousands of other haircuts recommended for square faces on other websites.
So, there you have it: those are the best haircuts for what could very well be your face shape. Whether or not you feel confident about your new ‘do, it doesn’t matter because all Michael from work will say is “Wow, haircut!”