In a scene straight out of a 90s movie, your friend – who should know better – is trapped in a time loop where she never stops apologizing for misgendering you.
Will she ever break out of the cycle and shut up? Sources can’t say for sure.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! Ugh, this is so awkward for me,” said your friend Pam, who knows your pronouns are they/them but slipped up by referring to you as ‘she’. “Did I already say how sorry I am forgetting your pronouns wrong? Well let me say it again so I feel better about myself, I am so sorry!”
It would be easy to move on and forget about this if Pam wasn’t trapped in a time loop.
“Why do I feel like I’ve said this all before?” says your friend, who is slowly realizing the fabric of time is tearing apart and repeating itself. “Woah this is weird! Not as weird as me messing up your pronouns, but pretty close.”
Recalling how Bill Murray’s character broke out of a time loop in the movie Groundhog’s Day, Pam tried being a better person and building up good karma by helping others, but still not shutting up about how she misgendered you.
“I’ve never felt so ashamed and stupid in my whole dumb life,” Pam keeps repeating as she helps an old lady cross the street. “Is this what gender dysphoria feels like?”
Your friend also turned to science for answers.
“If there are an infinite number of universes forking in the multiverse, then reason dictates there are worlds where I said your pronouns correctly,” said Pam. “And if the past, present, and future occupy the same fixed 4th dimensional space, then I have and always will be an ally.”
Unfortunately, no amount of good karma or quantum theory has broken Pam free of the endless cycle of blanket apologies.
Recent sources indicate Pam is now over-emphasizing your pronouns to complete strangers.
“THEY are my best friend. THEY deserve your respect,” she is quoted as saying. “Yeah, you heard me right, THEY dress like ‘Where’s Waldo.’ What? You do!”
You could put a stop to this by saying something to your friend, but that would mean communicating your boundaries and that sounds too fucking exhausting.
