I know you might be tempted to say something to an ugly friend, but trust me – we don’t need the extra attention. We are people, just like you. So the next time you are talking to an ugly friend, here are some things you should never, ever say:
1. “You might want to wear something that draws less attention to your face.”
Um, last time we checked, everything draws attention to our big, ugly faces. We’re ugly. Thanks for the reminder.
2. “You could look pretty, if…”
Uh, yeah right! As if we haven’t tried it all. Please give it up with the makeup techniques and just leave us uglies be.
3. “You have a great personality.”
No shit. We’ve been compensating for our faces our whole lives. Don’t think we haven’t already been forced to find our one redeeming quality that allows us to live among you Normals.
4. “You and my cousin/boyfriend’s friend/doctor would hit it off.”
You mean your ugly cousin? Just come out and say it. Just because we’re ugly doesn’t mean we’re also attracted to ugly people. Let us know when you think of someone who’s really hot but is looking for someone with a great personality, ‘kay?!
5. “My grandmother was ugly.”
You still don’t get it, do you? You know who was ugly in my family? My parents, and all their parents before them. It’s a dominant trait over here. Stop trying to relate. Your grandmother probably wasn’t even that ugly. She probably just had a hunchback or something, which in her day was a sign of a hard worker and pretty much meant marriage material. My existence is a goddamn miracle if you consider all the breeding that had to go down for me to be here.