In a developing story out of Ann Arbor, MI, several women have claimed that their housemate Andrea Williams’ sex toys come to life and go on secret adventures when she’s away.
“At first, I thought Andrea must have been taking a very personal, personal day when I heard the sound of what was clearly a vibrator coming from her room while I was walking by,” said Andrea’s roommate Serena. “But then I realized Andrea had left for work hours ago.”
“Later in the day, I saw her vibrator lying out in the hallway, and I thought, ‘Maybe Andrea somehow just accidentally left it on the highest setting and it shook its way across the floor?’ But when I went to get a closer look, it scuttled back into the bedroom and slammed the door.”
“I personally removed all the batteries from my sex toys after that.”
According to witnesses, Andrea’s bedroom buddies have become increasingly comfortable making themselves at home in her absence.
“Once, I went into Andrea’s room to get a jacket she had borrowed back,” said Andrea’s other housemate Liz. “And when I opened the door, I swear to God I saw her strap-on sitting at her desk, browsing on her computer and sipping coffee.”
“Honestly I would have thought an animate strap-on would do something more exciting,” Liz added. “But I guess that’s on me for making an assumption about someone’s personality just based on their job.”
One source especially close to Andrea seems to know what might be causing the recent disturbances and possibly a sequel in a beloved movie franchise.
“I happen to know Andrea’s girlfriend got her a new dildo for her birthday,” said Andrea’s best friend Beth. “Maybe that disturbed the pecking order, so to speak, and made the other toys, like, jealous or something?”
Now Andrea’s friends are wondering if they are morally obligated to tell her that her personal playthings are actually anthropomorphic creatures with lives of their own.
“Maybe she already knows?” Beth speculated hopefully. “She’s always been on the cutting edge of sex toy technology. She knew about the clit-sucking vibrator before any of us. I guess this is kind of like that.”
Andrea’s sex toys were last seen descending from her bedroom window by her bedsheets, reportedly going to rescue some fellow toys that were trapped over at the neighbors.
