Time Magazine Suggests Banning The Word “Woman”

In its annual list of words to ban for the year 2015, Time Magazine suggested the word “woman.” Time states:


Yeah we all LIKE women, but don’t you think that label gets thrown around like man-hating confetti at a women-filled buzzkill party?


When questioned about the addition of “woman” to the ban list, Time spokesperson Larry Jablonski states, “We didn’t mean to imply that women are lesser than, and apologize if we did. But also isn’t it sooo typical that they’d complain about something like this and maybe we should ban them?”


Managing editor of Time, Nancy Gibbs, also weighed in: “We live in a world where every celebrity has to come out as a ‘woman,’” she states. “It’s mostly celebrities that are women, but still. How self-righteous.”


A representative for Time stated that Time’s suggestion was merely to prevent “cringe-worthy” conversations. He states, “If I were to say, ‘I hate ______’s rights, I think _______ complain a lot, abortion is just a _______’s issue, and I’m a big grizzled man and won’t stand for a _______ as President,’ don’t you see how much less awkward that is?”



The gendered nature of phrases like “OMG” and “I can’t even” on the list was also put to scrutiny. When approached about the heteronormative nature of the list, Jablonski states, “Heteronormativity? Sounds like another label to me. Makes me want to punch my eardrums out.”


At press time, a document of words that almost made the list was released. It included words such as “political correctness,” “equality,” and “minority.”


“Of course minorities are gonna be upset about that one,” Gibbs states. “Typical ______ logic.”