They’re Not Just For Men Anymore: Condiments For Your Dog to Get You Off

There’s a reason he’s called “man’s best friend”: men have used the old “peanut-butter trick” for centuries to help their dogs get them off, so we compiled a list of women’s favorite condiments to help you get those affectionate puppy crotch-kisses, too. Here are the perfect treats for this trick that you’re sure everyone else has been doing for years but nobody has talked about:


Sabra© Roasted Pine Nut Hummus ($3.98)

Hummus is a grocery store staple for most women, and not just because it is great for entertaining. We recommend pairing the hummus with a baby carrot and then encouraging your pup to play “find the treat.” Hide it well enough, and this game will keep both your pooch entertained for hours!


Greek Yogurt ($2.99)

Everyone knows a little yogurt in your cup can be an effective remedy for a yeast infection, but why not let your Chobani© do double duty, by using it to help your dog get you off too! How many times have you walked past the yogurt aisle and thought “10 for $10! That’s a great deal but I couldn’t possibly eat that much yogurt!” Well, go ahead and stock up; cause there’s one for you, and one for Rex!



Almond Butter ($16-$107)

A feminine take on classic nut-butter, almond butter has the staying power of peanut butter, while giving your pup a dose of healthy fats. The creamy texture smears nicely without the stickiness of sugary processed PB. Most almond butters are all-natural, so if your pup “misses a spot”, you don’t have to worry about tainting your precious taint.


Tableside Guacamole (ask your server for prices)

Most good Mexican restaurants offer tableside guacamole so you can tailor the recipe to fit your dog’s unique tastes. Make sure to tell your server to leave out the garlic, because garlic can be toxic to dogs. You might tell them to go easy on the spice, unless you’re into that sort of thing – in which case, GO WILD!


Aioli ($12)

Sure, some might say that aioli is really just rich people’s mayo, but you have a discerning palate and so does your pup. You wouldn’t put Miracle Whip© on your ham sandwich, so why put it on your beef taco? Let your pup know that he’s worth it – and so are you.


100% Pure Organic Agave Nectar ($5.99)

If the vet has been telling you that Fido needs to lose a few, then you definitely want to avoid anything sugary – that’s why agave Nectar is the way to go! Agave nectar gives your pup that sweet flavor he craves, without spiking his blood sugar, and bonus for you, it isn’t as sticky as other sweeter syrups.


Take THIS totally normal dog trick to the next level – with a woman’s touch. You won’t be sorry!*


*We cannot guarantee that you will not be sorry.