We have a playlist for doing everything: studying, cleaning, working out, and bangin’ Mike. But have you made a playlist for the off chance that you die in a fiery car crash on your way home from work? Most people don’t think of that, and they should. You don’t want to die a fiery car crash and have the song playing on your iPhone when the paramedics arrive be “Night Changes” by One Direction. Here’s the perfect hauntingly, beautiful playlist for your last commute.
1. “Last Kiss” – Pearl Jam
I couldn’t stop so I swerved to the right
I’ll never forget the sound that night
The screamin’ tires, the bustin’ glass
The painful scream that I heard last
Ominously this song sets the theme of the whole playlist. You get in your car, turn on your radio, and subconsciously know that you are going to die. This song serves its purpose perfectly for a pre-death moment: a great first track.
2. “Bye, Bye, Bye” – *NSYNC
It ain’t no lie, baby, bye. Bye. Bye.
You do not want to die, obviously. This song is that nostalgic, denial portion of the playlist. You want something fun. You aren’t ready to accept what Track 1 established. You think you can beat this, that you’re going to live forever, but Justin and Co. are just trying to send you the same message in a more upbeat way.
3. “How I Waited” – Andy Hull
I killed another one tonight
I can’t stop myself from crying
I killed another girl tonight
I just can’t help myself anymore
This is the perfect song to openly weep to as you begin to feel death’s arrival.
4. “You are Your Mother’s Child” – Conor Oberst
Cause you are your mother’s child
She had you for a while
But now you are grown and you’re makin’ it on your own
Now that you’re grown, may you never feel this alone
You have reached that point in your commute where your mind starts to drift freely. You start thinking about your family. Specifically, your mother, whom you already don’t talk to enough. Bye, Mom.
5. “Kettering” – The Antlers
You made me sleep all uneven
And I didn’t believe them
When they told me that there
Was no saving you
This song really just overwhelms you with a dark cloud of sadness and impending doom. Do you feel it? Do you feel death coming for you?
6. “Prologue” – The Antlers
[Instrumental]
Oh, this song couples so perfectly with Track 5. You must crash your car at exactly 25 seconds into this song or this whole playlist is garbage and has been for nothing. Don’t fuck this up.
7. “Hallelujah” – Jeff Buckley
[You know the lyrics to this song]
What better song to hear as you are gasping for your last breaths while impaled on the steering wheel or mangled on the ground near your overturned car just waiting for paramedics to arrive?
Even as you see your body stretched out and smashed onto the road, you can’t help but think how perfect it is that Hallelujah is playing and how glad you are you had a playlist for this.
8. “Hello” – Adele
Hello. It’s me.
It isn’t a paramedic, but your ex-boyfriend Ewan McGregor who comes running to your rescue. He effortlessly picks you up and sings with that sweet, sweet angel, Adele. This part doesn’t actually happen. You are delusional for a very short period of time before you are dead, but at least you aren’t Julie’s stupid ass dying while listening to One Direction. You are beautifully, poetically dead.
This playlist will have the EMTs saying, “Is she a DJ? She should have been a DJ.”
