When you’re getting fucked harder than you ever have in your life, you’re naturally going to want people to know in a tasteful way. And there’s only one way to advertise that you’ve been slamming your head against the bedpost of a luxury resort in a tropical paradise for seven days straight – by hinting at it via Instagram. When you want to telegraph just how hard you’re getting it on vacation, these exotic locales will make it so you don’t have to change your status to, “Hey, Everyone! I’m in Aruba with dick all up inside me.”
Santorini, Greece
Post a photo a captivating Mediterranean vista with the simple caption “In love” and no one will know for sure if you mean the sparkling, aquamarine water or the dude that you’re (probably) banging. Nothing is more important than capturing that stunning travel shot that makes people really go, “Wow!” and also, “Wait – I thought she was single? Who is she with? Exactly how hard is he fucking her right now?”
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
Known for its pristine beaches and vibrant nightlife, this resort town is ideal for grabbing that perfect photo of two margaritas in the sand. While there’s no mention of a bae anywhere in, on, or around your Instagram account, everyone will just naturally assume the second glass is his, and that you’ll be walking like a cowboy when you return home.
Napa Valley, California
There are only two reasons to visit wine country – your best friend’s wedding or a romantic getaway. And since Jennifer’s on her second kid with her spouse, everyone will just kind of assume that that the photo of you grinning broadly in a vineyard was taken by the dude who’s ramming you so hard you’re going to need a second vacation from all the dick.
Ambergris Caye, Belize
Satisfy your wanderlust and dicklust in this remote island off the coast of Central America. Known for it’s dense jungle, Belize will make you make you fall in love with the natural beauty of the world – provided you stop your round-the-clock hunching extravaganza long enough to snap a photo of the region’s ample waterfalls. Slap on a funky filter, because nothing says, “I’m trying to hide my sex bruises from the fuck marathon” like Hefe.
Sandals Montego Bay, Jamaica
The photogenic hotel and fabulous pool in this romantic resort will make for the perfect Instagram photo. But also, Sandals is a couple’s resort, so it’s pretty much obvious you’re there with someone else – even you only post photos of actual sandals. Plus it’s only an hour and a half from Miami, proving you don’t have to go far to advertise your week-long fuck fest.
When people ask how your vacation was, give a sly smile and say, “Really great! Yeah. Just really great,” and you’ll finally get all the questions you’ve been hinting for them to ask! Now get out there and hop on some dick, girlfriend!
