The long-awaited album 25 has finally arrived, and just in time for cuffing season—the time of year during which everyone finds someone to snuggle with while you remain just as single as you were during the other three seasons because you two just couldn’t find a way to make it work. That’s why Adele season can only mean one thing: weep-screaming at old pictures of that dude you thought you loved on the internet. Here are the best songs off of 25 for that particular activity.
“I Miss You”
This haunting hit is sure to hit you right in the heart, or in the hole where your heart was before that dick ripped it out and threw it into the sewer. At its emotional peak, “I Miss You” is the perfect song with which to shrilly and bitterly attack his entire profile pics folder. So pull up MetroLyrics.com and howl until he hears you, girl!
“Remedy”
If the breakup is fresh and he was the damaged one you were supposed to save, “Remedy” will ring particularly true. Scroll down a week or so, find that post that was definitely about you, and get to wailing at those 163 likes he got. Remember, he won’t love you again until you scream so loud that it hurts your own ears.
“Send My Love (To Your New Lover)”
This one is ideal for banshee-shrieking at his new girlfriend’s profile pic because you haven’t been brave enough to friend her yet. The tone of this song is perfectly passive-aggressive, which is exactly the vibe you’ll want when you spout this speech at him in real life one day. But when you’re at home in front of that Facebook app, you can go hardcore aggressive and belt it until your neighbors get concerned. You’re not fully expressing yourself until the cops show up, and even they are made to understand what you’re going through.
“Sweetest Devotion”
Skip the one about the river, because rivers have nothing to do with all those months your ex let you believe he wanted to be with you for the long haul. Jump right to the end. “Sweetest Devotion” is about Adele’s baby son, but we all know that every song on that album is really about you and your cry-fried vocal cords. He couldn’t hear you all those times you said you wanted more from him, but maybe he’ll hear you when you shatter the screen of your phone using only your voice and your pure, unbridled rage.
“Hello” still
It’s been on repeat since she Beyoncé-dropped it without warning and you were not ready for the emotional tornado into which you were about to be thrown. Now that you’ve had a month to memorize each and every vocal nuance, take it to the hilt with some top-of-your-lungs screeching at your phone in a public space. Pro tip: Make sure the warmth of your fresh tears doesn’t hit your phone and accidentally like the photo of you two together from 2008 that you’ve been scare-enading.
Favorite these five tracks in iTunes and you’ll have them ready at a moment’s notice, in case his engagement announcement pops up on your newsfeed and blindsides you into a fit of bawling/bellowing rage. Bonus points for ending each song with the chorus from “Someone Like You,” which you hadn’t stopped screaming at his Facebook until Adele brought you something new. Thanks, Adele!!!!!
