Life can be a huge challenge that’s literally impossible in every single way. But the best part about giving up entirely on everything you’ve ever believed in is that there are always snacks within arm’s reach of your bed. The tough part is choosing which of those snacks to eat from while you cry into the cellophane from the snack before! Here are the five best treats that happen to be less than the distance from your shoulder to your hand away from you right now.
1. Some Chips
Doesn’t matter what kind of chips; all you need to know is that they are chips. You didn’t check the bag before, during, or after for the brand, the flavor, or even the expiration date. They crunch and have salt and absorb all the excess feelings your body retains. Most importantly, they are close enough that you won’t have to get out of bed to curb your appetite for both food and life.
2. The Snack That Was On Your Chest When You Began Your Nap
This is your closest, and therefore best, option. It’s probably an open box of dry cereal, or a tray of cookies from your holiday party. If you play your cards right, you might even be able to give your arm a rest this time and just throw your mouth at the snack until you are eating. You will know you are eating when there is food in your mouth. Great job!
3. Halloween Candy from the Family You Nanny For
That jack-o-lantern bag you got from children losing out on their childhood is still buried in your purse somewhere. The Snickers are melted, the Reese’s cups disfigured, but they’re physically close enough that you don’t even have to hinge your hips to get them in your lazy paws—making them the ideal treat for your current level of willingness to live.
4. Whatever Your Dropped Under Your Bed Last Night
A few of yesterday’s lost angels are still down there waiting for you. It’s hard to remember which snack you donated to gravity yesterday, but you’ll remember when you reach down there. Just make sure you get it on the first grab. If you have to keep reaching and moving for too long, you might as well have gotten up and cooked a fresh meal by that point. Not today, effort! Not today.
5. Anything You Can Convince Your Roommate to Bring to You
It may not start off close to you, but history shows if you text your roommate a bunch of times, she’ll probably get fed up enough to feed you. Doesn’t really matter what she brings you, because the less you had to move, the more delicious it will be.
Of course there is an endless amount of snacks in your home, but these five are the best because you didn’t have to move your body to get them. And oftentimes, you didn’t even have to move your eyes. Now take another nap and enjoy the morsels still lingering in your mouth—as close as they possibly can be!
