Ted Cruz Is Proof You Can Get Away With Anything if You’re Ridiculously Hot

After years of brazen climate denialism and reckless privatization leading to a “once in a lifetime” winter storm that’s caused over 300,000 Texans to be without power during freezing temperatures, Texas senator Ted Cruz was caught flying to Cancun, proving a point that we all need to drill through our thick, ugly skulls: Hot people can get away with anything.


We all know Ted shouldn’t have never maintained political power in the first place, but the fact is most of us just can’t stay mad at that handsome face of his. Research shows that attractive people get paid more, get considered for more jobs, and are even regarded as more trustworthy than their average looking counterparts. And nobody embodies this truth more than Cruz.


In a classic example of hot people thinking they can just say anything, Cruz tried to blame his daughters for his recreational trip, saying, “With school cancelled for the week, our girls asked to take a trip with friends. Wanting to be a good dad, I flew down with them last night and am flying back today.”


The average citizen takes one look at those big, grey eyes and automatically gives him the benefit of the doubt. Any loving father would take his daughters to Mexico within 24 hours of them asking, even though international flights typically require quarantine periods during the deadly pandemic he’s allegedly fighting, right? Wrong. This is called Pretty Privilege and it has dangerous consequences.



Ask yourself: ‘If Ted Cruz wasn’t drop dead gorgeous, would I take an issue with the fact that he abandoned the state he represents to visit the country he wants to put a wall around?’ The truly sick thing that many may not realize is: this isn’t the first bad thing Ted Cruz has done that’s gone overlooked on account of his looks. Do you even remember his abetting of the January 6th insurrection, or have you been too busy wondering how a mortal man comes to look carved from marble by God herself?


If there’s one American issue that boasts bipartisan agreement, it’s the position that Ted Cruz is a hot bitch dripping in sex appeal from head to toe. But as exciting as it is to lust after a climate change denier, it’s time for America’s moment of reckoning. Don’t you think it’s time we focused on the brain underneath that luscious semi-mullet? I sure do.