You found the perfect guy, but there’s just one problem: His jokes are terrible. This is common in modern relationships—not everybody you date can be a comedian, but that doesn’t mean you can’t validate him with the perfect fake laugh. Fake laughter is not only great for feigning interest, it’s essential for keeping any relationship running smoothly and conflict-free. Expand your fake laughter vocabulary with these eight fake laughs:
The Local News Post-Banter Laugh
This is the gold standard in fake laughter. Master this fake laugh and you can get through most of his terrible, go-nowhere jokes without ever hurting his tender, fragile ego. Just imagine you’re the anchor and the weatherman is telling you about his weekend plans. Let out a loud, huffy chuckle, and move onto the next segment without a breath in between.
Great for: supporting his sudden, mid-life aspirations to begin a career in stand-up.
The Goose Honk
Nothing says, “You’re funny” more than a well-timed Goose Honk. Just let out a short little “honk”— it doesn’t even have to be a goose honk, any bird honk will do. Deep, loud Goose Honk laughs sound like they come from the heart, so it’s perfect for hiding any other lack of emotions that you are choosing not to deal with. Like seething anger, or withering disdain.
Great for: attending parties right after you had a big fight.
The Sing-Song Ha-Ha
This fake laugh takes a little practice, but the rewards are plentiful. When you laugh, try to swing your notes up and down the major scale, like a short melody. Not only does this tell him that you find him interesting, it says you’re fun, and possibly from the South. Once you get the hang of it, don’t be afraid to get creative! Try to laugh to the tune of his favorite song, and you’ll pitch him a shitty-joke softball that he can hit right out of the park.
Great for: outings with his family, trips through wine country.
The Hsssst
Sometimes the best fake laugh is a smallest one. Not all of his “jokes” are knee-slappers, but they must be acknowledged in some way. If his joke is only sort of funny, just let out a little hiss through your teeth, like a short burst of escaping steam. The Hsssst is great for supporting his starchy sense of humor, without totally giving him your approval. This will show him that he can try a little harder next time, without totally crushing him.
Great for: mean jokes he tells about his parents.
The Tut-Tut
This fake laugh may seem outdated, but it’s ripe for a comeback. Emitting little “tut-tuts” is a like the classy version of The Hsssst. Borrowed from the British, the Tut-Tut is probably best used as color. You don’t want to Tut-Tut all the time, just Tut-Tut every once in a while. The Tut-Tut is a potent, but effective spice.
Great for: dinner dates, Medieval Times outings
The Smile + Little Nibbles
This fake laugh lies more on the restrained side, but it’s also one of the most endearing. After another one of his boring work stories, simply smile, then punctuate it with tiny little nibbles. Adding little nibbles to your smile shows a kind of muted adoration. It says, “I could care less about what you’re saying, but I still like you.”
Great for: long car rides, jokes involving football or any sport.
The Puffed Cheeks
When in doubt, just puff up your cheeks. That’s all it takes sometimes. You don’t even have to make a sound. Puffed up cheeks are great because they imply that you find his jokes so funny, you’re actually struggling to hold in your laughter. Except you’re not. You’re merely just puffing up your cheeks. This is its beauty.
Great for: whenever he jokes about murdering his boss, or other people
The Hoot-and-Whinny
Consider this fake laugh the nuclear option: Basically, do your best imitation of a horse. Just throw back your hair and bray like a horse. That’s it. Save it for when he’s being so deathly dull and unfunny, the only way you can keep from falling asleep is to imitate an excited horse. And don’t be afraid to really throw yourself into it. This one’s more for you than him. You might actually start laughing at yourself, and he’ll really think he nailed it.
Great for: any and all social situations.
