A recent study from the University of Wisconsin-Madison confirms that the best way to inform your grandchildren that you had a wild side is still to give them a sly little wink.
“It’s the tried-and-true method,” said lead researcher Dr. Jackie Nguyen. “We surveyed and focus grouped thousands of grandchildren across the globe. And they all said when their grandparents give a little wink, they know grandma and grandpa were straight up wildin’ back in the day, and furthermore, have carried that zany spirit into their old age.”
The study found the wink even more successful in convincing your grandchildren you were cool than actual proof of your wild side.
“You can show them photos of you back in the day or memorabilia you collected from your party era. But the wink remains the best way to convince your grandchildren,” said research assistant Katherine Connell. “Like in old Hollywood movies when directors couldn’t show sex so they did, like, a train running through a tunnel to imply it and somehow it was much more sensual than an actual sex scene. The wink thing is like that.”
According to Dr. Nguyen, the wink is so effective because it lets the grandchild know you’re a little cheeky and turns whatever you just said into an innuendo and the moment into a priceless memory.
“Whether or not your grandchildren want to realize their grandparents were anything but sweet old people, giving them a well-timed wink will remind them that Grandma and Grandpa were in their prime during the 60s and most likely did partake in sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll.”
Researchers have confirmed that the wink has shattered many grandchildren’s worldviews on their grandparents.
“Yeah, when Grandma told me how much she loved ‘the green fairy’ I thought she meant Tinkerbell,” said teenage grandson Jack, “but then she gave a little wink and I realized she meant absinthe. My mind was blown. That wink changed the game. I realized Grandma had a time when she was young and cool before her life now of sleeping during Jeopardy every night.”
More research has yet to be done on whether or not the power of the wink should be used consistently or at one point if it becomes “TMI.”
