Stressed Woman Now Stressed About Trying to Destress

Monique Taylor of Atlanta, GA is making strides to reduce her general stress levels with various methods of self-care. However, recent reports reveal that this destressing endeavor has been stressing Taylor out even more.


“I just don’t have time for it all,” said Taylor, mid-cigarette, “I wake up at 6:00 am for yoga and meditation. Then I come back to my apartment and attempt to have a healthy breakfast, write my morning pages, and set my daily intentions all before 8:30, leaving me exhausted, stressed and anxious before I even start work.”


Monique’s friends and family have asked her to slow down on the amount of self-care she is forcing upon herself.


“She’s like this with everything she does!” says close friend, Shari Lannick. “She takes work and school too intensely, so of course she’s going to go fucking hog wild on puzzles and adult coloring books.”


To date, Monique Taylor has completed 103 puzzles and 46 adult coloring books. She now thinks she has carpal tunnel syndrome and is also quite stressed about that.



“She doesn’t know how to take anything easy,” said Yana Taylor, Monique’s sister. “I told her we should just relax and hang out sometime, and she showed up at my apartment with a face mask on and said that if we didn’t paint nails and watch TV and find a dog to pet by 9pm, she was going to lose her shit.”


“I have to be back at home by 9:30 to do all my evening self-care,” Monique clarified in between breathing into a paper bag. “If I don’t then my skincare routine, nightly decluttering, meal prep, and screen-free hour, my entire life is going to crumble.”


A peek into Monique’s bullet journal shows meticulous habit-tracking, excessive amounts of inspirational quotes, and three hours laying awake in bed while trying desperately to get a full eight hours of sleep.


When we suggested Monique take some time to reset and refocus, she added: “What the fuck do you think I’m doing?”