Shocking Study Finds Butts Contain Fecal Matter

A study at Tulane University in New Orleans recently discovered that human anuses contain an alarming amount of fecal matter. Dr. Mark Kammeron, the scientist conducting the study, swabbed 45 different human anuses and was shocked to report that all but four tested positive for fecal matter.


“One would expect to find fecal matter in a few butts, sure—people go to the bathroom and there’s lots of fecal matter in bathrooms—but the degree we have here is truly disturbing,” says Dr. Kammeron.


Dr. Kammeron went on to explain that the bacteria specifically found matched the kind you find in human feces. “These results really shocked us. We normally don’t expect to find poop on anything except for poop itself. And even then, there’s a chance you won’t.”



So, could your butt contain fecal matter? Well, according to this alarming study, it is very likely, but before you run and sit in a pool of bleach, Dr. Kammeron has another suggestion.


“For those that want to avoid getting fecal matter in their butts,” said Dr. Kammeron, “I would suggest washing your hands thoroughly after pooping or being near someone else’s feces. Also, try to keep your hands away from your butt as much as possible. We all know our hands are covered in traces of fecal matter”


It is truly alarming to think that a part of your body that most people wash daily could contain such dirty particles under its surface.


Kammeron adds, “Since the study, I’ve definitely been more careful about how many people’s buttholes I’m touching.”