Sexy Ways to Tell Him His Filthy Apartment Aggravates Your Asthma

Things have been going great with that hottie you snagged at the local coffee shop a few months ago. He’s got everything: intelligence, a great sense of humor, compassion, and even a killer undercut! But one thing is keeping you from fully enjoying the burgeoning of this romance: your asthma. No one wants to be a buzzkill, so here are some sexy ways to get to him to recognize your medical condition and clean up his garbage cave of allergens.


Initiate a roleplay where you both deep clean his apartment wearing only rubber gloves and face masks.

Try on characters like defenseless mistress whose health lies in the hands of a dirty villain, or two cleaners working in a vacant hotel after-hours, or two scientists who are forced to clean a contaminated lab to prevent a sex virus from spreading. Assuming different personas can be a fun way to express a different side of yourself or highlight a desire, like the one you have to breathe without a struggle. Add a few drops of vanilla or lavender oil to your bleach bucket to heighten arousal for both of you.


Tell him how much it turns you on to watch those strong arms shake out his bathmat for once.

Guys love to feel useful and masculine—if only he knew how much his moldy bathroom was making you feel like a damsel in distress! Before a steamy shower sex sesh, insist that he let you watch him show that grimy bathmat who’s boss. While he’s taking care of business out on the fire escape, comment on the fresh air outside and how good it makes your lungs feel. Express how much louder you’ll moan while he’s pounding you now that your trachea’s not inflamed.



Bring your inhaler into the bedroom as a toy.
Some needs are just hard to put into words. The same way a dildo or vibrator can help your guy hit the spot, the presence of your inhaler can signal to him that your larynx and esophagus need some lovin’, too. The tiny aerosol container will remind him that he should think about buying some other aerosols as well (Pledge, Lysol, Glade, etc.).


Ask him to dominate you in bed because you’re too winded to be on top.
Asthma can leave you feeling weak and lethargic, with little energy to steer the ship spending hours in his moldy man-mess. Unless you’re wheezing, in which case you should refrain from sex, use this as an opportunity to experiment with exciting power dynamics and communicate that your chronic illness is legitimate.



Explain that healthy air passageways mean better blowjobs for him.
Nothing’s sexier than a lady who loves going down on her man, despite the inch of dust on every surface in his room. Using something he’s invested in to communicate your needs is a sure way to get what you want (and require for survival). Send him sexts detailing how much deeper you can go when your bronchioles aren’t constricted, or how much longer you’ll last when you’re not gasping for air. He might just offer to let you clean his room!


Try these tips out and soon enough multiple orgasms will be the only reason you’re short of breath!