After spending many hours on research and cultivation, 32-year-old Marie Laundry made the perfect sex playlist, which for several weeks has only been used as background music while Laundry cleans out her fridge.
“The only time this playlist gets any action is when I need to get my grind on—like when I spilled Thai food in the back of my fridge,” she admits.
“The guys I’ve dated lately? Oh yeah, we kind of just did it with no music. Nothing serious enough to break out the big guns.”
“The woman is a sex playlist goddess,” says Amy Stelling, Laundry’s roommate. “It’s so unfortunate I only hear it when she needs to wipe moldy grime from the back corner of the fridge.”
The playlist is listed in iTunes as having been played 57 times, which would be impressive if one didn’t know how often Laundry cleans her fridge.
“Sure, it would be nice to light some candles and bounce on a dick to The xx, James Blake, and Kendrick Lamar, but I guess I’ll just have to enjoy sharing this with my freezer-burned chicken for now,” says Laundry.
Friends and family are worried that Laundry’s playlist has gone to waste, but they remain hopeful that one day she’ll bring it to the bedroom. “I almost had it going once with a guy. I started playing it, then he knocked over some soup in my fridge. That was the closest I’ve come.”