When we look back on our high school years, the thing that immediately springs to mind is which superlatives we won. But some of us didn’t win any superlatives because no one paid any attention to us. Even years later, it can be jarring to realize that the peers with whom we grew up never thought about us at all. Here are all the superlatives you would have won if anyone knew your name:
Best Eyes
Someone needs to look you into your violet eyes right now and tell you that you didn’t deserve this award. They can’t! Because once they’ve seen those beautiful eyes, they won’t be able to look away. If people had actually taken the time to know you, or at least known who you were, they would have seen your eyes and how deserving you were of this superlative. Too bad you had them hidden behind a book all the time because you had no one to talk to. Anyone who is unbiased and didn’t go to your high school where they ignored you can see from a mile away that you were robbed in this category.
Most Dramatic
HELLO! Years later and you’re still obsessing over the fact that you didn’t win any superlatives in high school?! PRETTY DRAMATIC IF YOU ASK ME. Not to mention the fact that you participated in drama club, threw a glass of water in the face of a custodian who tried to throw away your duct tape wallet, and silently cried during a Bill Nye the Science Guy episode you watched in Earth Science. How dare they not even remember you after all that drama you caused.
Biggest Gossip
Barbara Walters once said, “Show me someone who never gossips, and I will show you someone who is not interested in people.” Well, just because no one was interested in you doesn’t mean you weren’t interested in them! No matter how many stories you made up or perpetuated, you couldn’t ever get anyone to connect any of the gossip back to you. Having actual friends to notice this pattern of behavior in you would’ve increased your chances of this win, but sadly, the shoe never dropped and you were always free to say whatever you wanted without negative repercussions—or a superlative.
Attached at the Hip
Okay, so you’d think that if someone doesn’t know who you are, they’re unlikely to know who your best friend is as well. That’s where you’d be wrong. Not only did you not win “Attached at the Hip,” but your best friend won it with someone else: a well-known girl at your school. The extent of their relationship was that sometimes on Fridays in the second half of senior year, they’d get garlic knots at the pizza shop. That’s not friendship! That’s not driving to school together every day and spending every weekend renting the same three movies and doing the same braids on each other! That’s some last-minute bullshit friend-stealing! Seriously, what even was that vote, some kind of joke?!
Best Sportsmanship
Sure, maybe you were a sore loser about not winning any superlatives, so this one may have just not been a good fit for you. But it still would have been nice to be considered! You were very gracious in sophomore PE when you could’ve cheated during capture the flag but didn’t, and maybe that should have counted for something in the eyes of the voting public.
Despite the fact that you didn’t win any superlatives, and your picture only appeared once in the yearbook but they kind of messed that up so your name doesn’t actually correspond to your picture, seek solace in the fact that you were way more worthy than they’ll ever know.
