In what comes as a complete shock, recent revelations suggest that the current version of yourself might actually be the best you you can be.
Okay, spooky?
“I thought I had at least ten to 20 years to get there,” you told reporters. “It never occurred to me that this might actually be the best it’s going to get for me.”
Sources close to you were less surprised, offering a slightly different perspective.
“She was on the up-and-up from birth to fifth grade,” your mother told reporters. “Then she really plateaued from about sixth grade to age 26.”
“She got her first job promotion this year, at 27,” she continued. “And obviously we were all so happy for her! But none of us are under the impression that something like that is going to happen again any time soon, or ever. I believe this could be what peak existence looks like for her.”
We love a brutally realistic mom!
Others close to you expressed similar sentiments.
“She’s doing great!” your roommate, Ezra, said. “You know, for her. She’s always had super big goals of, like, making a ton of money or being in a relationship for longer than a week and a half. But she just started eating vegetables regularly and watching The Big Bang Theory reruns less frequently, and I think it’s important to celebrate the small wins! Honestly, between us, this might be the best it’s ever going to get.”
Aww, how sweet!
When asked how you thought the best version of yourself would differ from your current self, you became visibly distraught.
“I thought the best version of myself would at least floss every day,” you said. “And I didn’t think SpaghettiOs would be in the picture at all, let alone three times a week!”
At press time, your mom apologized and amended her previous statements, admitting that she was wrong to suggest that this might be the best version of yourself.
“You know, she was really good at basketball in fifth grade, before she got cut in middle school and things started taking a nosedive. That might’ve been her year.”
