REPORT: Vagina Smells…Off

In a developing story out of the local Starbucks restroom, reports show that 26-year-old Kelly Moran’s vagina smells a little bit…off.


“It’s not really a crazy difference, but it is…different,” said Kelly. “I’m pretty sure it’s not a medical concern, but it’s definitely…notable, I think?”


Kelly went on to ponder all the interactions her muff has had over the past few days to try and determine what could possibly be the cause of the sudden olfactory shift.


“I hooked up with this Tinder guy on Saturday night, but we used a condom,” she said, taking another discrete whiff. “At least, I’m pretty sure we did. And I took a bath on Monday after work, but I made sure to bleach the hell out of the tub before. Maybe the bleach is the issue? Did I fuck up my pH balance?”


“Or maybe the laundromat washed my panties in something weird?” Kelly added, growing desperate. “What is wrong with my pussy?!”


Those who have had contact with Kelly’s vagina over the past week or so think she may be overreacting.


“I just saw her on Tuesday, and I didn’t notice any discharge or redness, so I don’t think there’s an infection,” said Dr. Vu, Kelly’s OB/GYN. “She’s likely just a little bit sweaty.”


“Yeah I was down there this weekend, and everything was in perfect working order,” said Drew Lawley, the Tinder guy from Saturday night. “It just smelled like a vagina.”


“Maybe you’re just smelling the last person who was in the Starbucks bathroom,” Kelly’s friend Tierra Cannon offered. “Those things are foul.”



But Kelly knows her own body.


“I’m trying not to freak out, but it’s hard,” she said. “I know it’s not BV or my period, because I know those smells well. But I don’t know what else could possibly be amiss in my genitals right now. Something is definitely up though.”


“Wait, holy shit, am I pregnant?” Kelly added.