After looking at over 500 pairs of sandals sold in the United States, researchers at Cornell University’s Department of Human Centered Design have concluded that there is actually no such thing as a pair of sandals that look “aesthetically-pleasing” or even “cute.”
“Since your feet will always be showing in them, sandals will never look ‘cute’ or ‘put-together,’” Head of Research, Dr. Miriam Walters, told reporters. “It’s unfortunate because you can’t always wear closed-toe shoes in the summer either, but, hey, you can’t win ‘em all.”
Cornell researchers looked at sport sandals, slides, huaraches, jellies, flip flops, T-straps, gladiators, platforms, and those godforsaken woven wedges before finally determining that they are all fugly as hell. None of the styles looked good, or even “normal,” on any participant, as the idea of the sandal itself is an impossible concept.
However, researchers were able to compile some tips to make the pair of sandals you inevitably choose look somewhat okay on you, as long as your expectations are not too high.
“In order to find a sandal that looks the best, you must first determine which parts of your foot you want to show the world,” Dr. Walters said. “I know, no one wants any part of their foot showing, but remember not to have your foot too covered or else the un-breathability of the shoe will gross you and everyone else out.”
The study also found that the brand is entirely irrelevant when looking for a sandal that suits someone, as all sandals in existence are hideous.
“We compared sandals from top brands such as Birkenstock, Prada, and The Row, with brands like Forever 21, Zara, and Shein, and found that they’re all pretty off-putting and weird-looking, no matter how high or low quality the materials are,” Dr. Walters continued. “So if you think paying a higher price will save you, think again.”
While wearing sandals is a good decision when the temperature and humidity gets higher this season, researchers hope that this information will help people be more at peace with their feet showing in weird shoe-like cages.
“If you’ve always had a problem with sandals and how they look, we want you to know that you are not alone,” Dr. Walters said. “It’s not you — it’s the fact that designing a shoe that is essentially an exoskeleton for your foot is never going to look good on anyone.”
