A disturbing new report from the University of Michigan has confirmed your worst fear: the person from your high school who added you on Linkedin then immediately endorsed your public speaking skills wants to grab a drink sometime.
“In this research, we used a combination of pattern recognition, behavioral science, and statistical analysis to hone in on the real reason someone would engage with an old acquaintance on Linkedin,” explains Dr. Vanessa Acevedo. “But, ultimately, our conclusion was driven by the fact that this individual messaged you directly and asked you to grab a drink sometime mere moments after endorsing your public speaking skills.”
The reasoning behind this decision-making process has baffled both researchers and recipients of such messages, alike.
“Upon first read, this seems to be an attempt at professional networking,” Dr. Acevedo says. “However, this is simply not the case.”
After conducting extensive primary research with individuals who indicated that they believed this move was “a great way in, sexually,” researchers came away with some interesting, yet disconcerting, new findings.
“These individuals, most commonly referred to as ‘someone I went to high school with’ by almost every person in their life, don’t mess with dating apps,” Dr. Acevedo explains. “They instead utilize Linkedin almost exclusively to try and find potential dating prospects, either by affirming your interpersonal communication-related skills or congratulating you on a recent, or not so recent, job promotion.”
The findings of this report come as no surprise to the person you went to high school with, and they even wanted to clarify again that “the drink isn’t networking or anything, unless you’re into that kind of thing. Like, as a kink.”
The behavioral patterns of these individuals have served as an endless source of fascination for researchers, who say these people seem to believe wholeheartedly that they have a shot on a business-centric platform with someone they went to high school with, but never, ever spoke to.
“It’s likely that having a professional headshot of them in a suit has made them much more confident than they would be in real life,” Dr. Acevedo suggests. “Plus, having a way in that at first seems professional makes them much more likely to engage with you in the first place.”
Dr. Acevedo says the safest thing to do is to not engage, though you should expect them to remove their endorsement of your public speaking skills and potentially even leave a remark about how you “can’t even really talk that good” because, yes, they are truly that petty. The research is pretty clear cut on that point.
