REPORT: Only 57% Of Americans Are Vaccinated, but 72% Can Play ‘Heart And Soul’ on Piano, so That’s Something

Well, this isn’t bad news! A recent survey found that although vaccine rates continue to fall far short of what’s needed for herd immunity, most Americans, when given a half hour in front of a piano, can pluck out the melody of “Heart and Soul” with one hand.


According to the data, vaccine rates continue to lag most prominently in rural areas and Southern states, although recent surges in hospitalizations have pushed many holdouts and vaccine hesitant Americans to sign up for the jab, a silver lining to a tragic situation caused by the highly contagious Delta variant. Um, but at least an additional one-third of the adult population can also do the “Heart and Soul” accompaniment with their left hand, which COVID can never take away – unless, of course, you die.


Scientists continue to stress the importance of signing up for the first injection as soon as possible, and to check if you are in a group recommended for an additional booster shot. They also stress that the accompaniment for “Heart and Soul” also works for “Blue Moon,” in case you ever need to lead a sing-a-long of love songs from the 1930s. It could happen.


Additionally, the survey found that the ability to pluck out “Heart and Soul” is equal across the gender spectrum and socio-economic classes, though it’s much more likely to be found in white Americans than any other ethnicity. The vaccine, meanwhile, is freely accessible to all Americans over the age of twelve, but is caught in the proverbial crosshairs of a political and cultural war that has been raging for decades. Good thing we can all agree, as a country, that falling in love makes you lose your mind… in a good way!



The nation’s top doctors and epidemiologists still say there is a chance to end this pandemic once and for all if everyone steps up, gets vaccinated, and continues to test and isolate as necessary if they know they have been exposed to a case of the virus. And barring that, most of us can also play “Chopsticks,” but please don’t, it’s very annoying.


The percentage of vaccinated Americans who can play “Heart and Soul,” and vice versa, is yet to be determined, and no correlation between the two has been found.